dont know why..

i feel like a complete fool today

i studied so hard for biology

in fact it was a total of 7 days!

and i thought i knew how to do the paper

but why did it end up that i FAILED?

even though i say i'm not

but i cant help feeling disturbed

i dont want consolation

i only need to put in more efforts

more than what i put in this time round

when i thought the ocip ppt will be over soon,

the date for ppt has been postpone to T3

i feel that we have let down the teachers

they seem pretty disappointed

by what we presented to them

the slides, the late rehearsal and things...

so much so that they decided to take charge

i'm soooooooooooooo tired lar

i'm lagging behind everything

and i simply refuse to do anything about it

why am i such a big time slacker?

even the slackest in class is working hard

but not me, so what's my problem?

and then guitar is like 4 days per week now

after guitar reach home = no mood do work

there's absolutely no way

i'm gonna be able to buck up

at the rate i'm going, i'm committing suicide

irony is i know i can work harder

but i cease to believe that working hard

will reap in any results cos' i've lost hope!

actually i'm beyond hope and cure.

school just absolutely sucks for me

though i know it's not for some people.

its just my attitude kinda thing ya know...

monday to friday all packed till late

by guitar and ocip presentation...

somehow, some way

i will survive all these.

i know i will.

i can do it

if i believe in it.

so i have to learn to believe

have trust in myself.

that day is only just around the corner

but before i reach it,

i've to continue working hard

to earn it.

a god-given saturday

WoOoOoHoOoOoO~
i finished drawing 2 (TWO!) pictures in a day.
both of which i'm super proud of,
so much so that i'm floating!!
[<------ see my unkymood]

1 is a fanart of HOWL from the movie.

yes, so shuai i know.. [*screams]

the other is just a random drawing,

putting together things i'm learning.

somehow drawing removes my mind,

from something i dont want to think about.

mainly school and life,

[i prefer not to include school in my life]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
woke up this morning in a jolt,
when i heard my hp ringing.
it was people from guitar in school.
telling me if i dont turn up today,
i'll be kicked from the SYF.
and when i asked what time practice start?
guess what? it's started at 9!!!
i received the call at?? 9.30!!!!


-_______________-


what's their problems right?
and i was told i almost got kicked out.
wasn't even my fault anyway.
i asked someone what time guitar starts,
BUT SHE NEVER REPLY!!!!
so happily thinking no guitar,
i only slept at like (hello?!?!?) 3 AM
so whose fault i ask u????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dont say le,
i'm suppose to be in a good mood!
haha, talking about my drawing..
SOoooooooooooOOOo PROUD!!!
although both also a bit distorted,
but overall they still look presentable


how i wish every weekends are like today
able to do what i really want to do
and not give a damn about other stuffs


ooooOOOoOOOoOOo
maybe someday i'll become a great artist
and draw like those professionals in
my favourite web: Deviantart.com

why...

why did u appear offline,
when i changed status to appear online?
i didnt mean to want to talk to u,
i didnt mean to come online for u,
its because my sis wanna send me things.
so why did u make it seem so..
i dont know how to describe how i feel.
u wont be reading this anyway.

drawing manga..

i have been attempting to draw mango

for the past 24 hours?!?!?
and i realised that i seriously lack talent

AND more practice


all the figures i draw looks like

they're gonna trip and fall,

all the faces looks like their suffering

from some spasm attack,
their hands and legs bulge like

exploding carrots,
their hairs look

bombastic + hideotic = bomdeotic??!?!
the eyes like majiam PA JIAO like that.


ARGH, MAMA JIU MING AH!!!
should i stick to drawing my stick mans?
and my minimalistic style of drawing?


after my experience at drawing anime characters,
i totally CANNOT understand why people

can draw in minutes.
draw as in draw and colour everything properly!
their works are like so damn nice
then they put done in like example 45 minutes
starting from scratch till complete with

CG and stuffs...
[[BAH]**


see when ah jie free then i go ga jiao her,
ask her help me scan all the stuffs into computer,
and help borrow PHOTOSHOP 7 from any friend

who has it, then i shall start CG-ing too..
[grins like a bobcat from ear to ear]


in the mean time, school's reopening soon.
dont remember ever feeling so SIAN before.
i'll miss the afternoons GB-ing with ah jie.
and the midnights tonn-ing online at home till 3am.
[suddenly the hart sank to nowhere]

!~!~/\`SI BEI SIAN`/\~!~!

i'm disappointed..

sometimes i feel like i purposely act like a clown,
or what people call act cute i guess.
i dont know why i do that.
i've yet to find a reason for myself.


sometimes i feel like i sub-consciously act cute,
and i dont know why too.


I MISSED SHOPPING!!
just when i thought maybe we could go shopping
with mummy just now after dinner,
ah di had to rush to his friend's bdae party,
ah jie had to rush home to do her work.
~*~[[SIGHS]]~*~


anyway even though we didnt get to shop,
i got a BRAND new fan in my study room.
because the old one GAGS and SHRIEKS,
whenever i on it for quite some time liao.
SO HAPPY~~ (^^V)

yes i am stressed!

YES indeed it's true
i'm feeling farking stressed up


if not why would i have
spent the whole afternoon
colouring one picture with adobe
and not doing my tuts and the ppt

sometimes i wonder
what others are trying to do
when they refuse to meet datelines
next time when they die
will they also mess up
their reincarnation time
ok.. bullshits

[[I WANT PHOTOSHOP 7]]


product of venting my tension

from

to

living life..

observation sometimes dont get u much. often it's only when u experience it on a first person account then can u really feel for it. how can u ever understand the feeling of a mother who had just given birth to her first child? get what i mean?


it's the same with life as a whole aint it? unless u're living that person's life, if not how can u ever totally understand what he/she is going through? that's why sometimes u should save ur comments on some things first, despite having observed them for a period of time. (maybe i should stop complaining how mugger my class is too, i should admire them for their determination to study so hard instead... that's a more positive attitude aint it?)


and why am i on this topic all of a sudden? it was led on by my bro, my sis and the five. u see, despite having stayed in the same house as my sis and bro, i still cant understand what's going through their minds. waddup with my bro's lousy attitude towards his studies? who called my sis and why's she missing him? and the five: xue's dream, choo's emotions, chun's andy(???) and jie's life generally..


i may think i know what's going on in their lives, but who am i lying? i'm onli aware of the more superficial issues of their lives, which i guess comprises of lesser than 50% of what he/she is really going through. as much as i hate to admit, but i've got to agree with my sis that there are some things which we shouldnt ask too much, because knowing it wont do us any good anyway. there's always this side of people which they dont want others to know, a weaker side which they dont like to show.


i know i shouldnt use an episode from a tv serial as an example, but look at "desperate housewives". the mother of 4 couldnt cope with her kids and was practically going to kill herself.. thinking that she's such a failure because she cant handle her children, when she saw how well her friends had coped with their kids. but in actual fact, she didnt know that her friends were in the same plight as her too. u see, that's the weak side they were trying to hide or didnt want others to know..


what i'm trying to say is that i should stop trying to pry into people's private affairs which they refuse to tell. no point feeling too upset over it too, because it doesnt mean that the person dont trust u or what i guess.


some things are better left un-asked.. sometimes it's better not to ask too much also. everyone has their own little secret they dont want others to know. so i should just keep my nose out. =Þ

my brudder..

what to say.. after what i've said that night he did it again.. i dont wish to sound so naggy anymore. to heed the advice or not is up to him. i dont want to have to worry about him on top of my own studies and life.
- lying to mommy in order to go his friend's house to play
- promising to anything so that he can get his way
- unable to keep his promise after he got what he desired
- sleeping whenever he know's he is in for deep trouble
- treating the whole thing like no big deal


doesnt he knows he's in for deep shit? O's this year for him, i dont wanna add pressure on him or what but it seems as if the whole thing was just some retarded game to him.. hallo!! it's your life u're gambling with.. ur future little boi.. why cant u wake up? i took time to warn him for like umpteenth times before.. everything seems to be falling on deaf ears. feels like i've wasted all those time and effort.


sometimes somethings are better left unsaid.. i dont know when he'll wake up (or maybe he wont).. let's just hope he'll mature in his thoughts soon enough, at least in time for his exams.

i'm going CRAZY!!!

it's onli been less than 2 hours and i'm back here agn.. i realli am a listless soul eh. i am totally grumpy and menacing now.. feeling so YAPPLING MOODY, like the MAD-EYE MOODY in harry potter book 4 i think.. dont piss me further, i may chew ur head off!


basically i've decided to call it a day. i'll see what i can do tml i guess.. i'm seriously not in the mood to torture myself anymore..


sometimes i really wonder am i suffering from some mental illness?

how come whenever i feel anxious i start peeling my fingers (u guys should
understand what i mean if u saw me in action b4) until it is red and
raw.. i know it sounds disgusting that's why i'm afraid i got mental problem
(anw i already stay pretty near IMH, should anything happen also easy delivery).
some more it doesnt even feels pain when i do it.. the peeling thing just comes
so naturally to me.


then there's the keep to myself part.. i can just start crying suddenly without reasons.. or over little little things.. or when i get upset i keep very quiet without any symptoms.. i will just shut up and continue doing my stuffs without appearing to be angry or anything..

know what i mean? i feel slightly zi bi.. those kids that keep to themselves bout everything.. just that mine is mild.. or maybe i aint even crazy, cos no mental patients will admit they're mental right..

not so soon..

so many times the idea of totally giving up studying and not care bout my results anymore struck me while i was k-ing my notes.. as many times i gave the idea a miss and cont'd to mug as hard as i could.. but in the end i realised i learnt nth at all.. my mind is absolutely blank now and i have no idea what am i doing or have been doing. looking through the ionic eqm revision qn was worse, i dont even know how to do anything right from qn 1.. i know i must sound pathetic but i just cant think straight anymore. they say to do org chem TYS MCQs cos everythings from there.. but judging at my rate i dont even have time for maths revision much less chem TYS..

YES i know.. then why am i still online now? because the urge to give up is so great and inviting now i dont feel like fighting it anymore.. i'm tired as a dog. i fell aslp on the sofa so that i wont slp too long.. and now i've got a terrible headache and neck-ache.. i realli dont know what am i doing..

can i give up now pls? i very much want to lie down on the bed in an air-con room and snuggle in to dreamland.. but i know too that it's EVEN MORE not possible to happen. i will feel even more like a loser should i do that right now. so i shall have to go back and continue calculating the DAMN pH of the TOTALLY UNEARTHLY IDIOTIC combinations of soln that the tr have bothered to put together on tt SHITTY piece of paper.. i wonder when will i even get to try mixing the soln myself.. HA~

so true..

You have Blue Wings! You are artistic and highlycreative. Others are amazed by your imaginative ideas, and the way you speak so smoothly. You are very social, but you like talking face-to-face, instead of the phone. You love dancing, Writing, acting, drawing, singing, anything that requires artistic style. You have many friends, and are popular because of your unique style. Though your jokes crack up everyone around you, you often daydream about many different things, lost in your own world. Even though, you are optimistic, and remain friendly and loved by others in reality, you always like to visit your fantasy world for some peace from the hectic world.

while studying for tml's gp..

happened to come across this passage..

Sometimes, when we believe too much in the future, we tend to become rather stubborn and take people and many things in our life for granted. It is not uncommon to see teenagers indulging in self-gratification and in the midst, they ignore their parents assuming that parents will always be there, likewise for parents, when their only concern becomes their career and they fail to provide joy to their children by spending time with them. We tend to take our loved ones for granted and believe that we have forever to love them later on. But the truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as “forever” or “later”. It is now or never. If we spend time with our family and loved ones, we are sure to gain the pleasure and this is indeed the better way of living our life for we know that we would not have anything to regret later on when our loved ones leave us forever. Death is an irreversible change and it puts an end to everything that we have in our life, so why cannot we live today in joy and without fear of tomorrow?

im so gonna die...

ARGHS


tml's my dooms day..


YES!


GP blk test tml..


死

i figure..

i guess i aint tt blessed afterall
or maybe i'm ruining myself


ARGHS

ramblings & babblings

today was my bio blk test.. if i fail dis time i realli dont know wad to say 'cos basically i thought the paper was pretty okay.. so if okay still fail then -> =.=" but there are also ppl who find the paper pretty tough.. and seemingly they put in alot of effort to study too.. so why?

anyway i had been thinking and thinking about my problem of inability to think for myself.. as in u know.. have no depth when discussing about general stuffs or basically talk cock when others are discussing on real solid topics.. HA! get the picture? making myself sound like a big fat brainless git huh?! but i AM really brainless when it comes to current affairs, i just dont know wad i shud do bout it mans.

while being confused over my own life, i also realised that many ppl ard me are beginning to learn to take their own stands on social issues and support them with solid proofs and stick to them. and here i am still listening to everything and agreeing to all of them.. unable to hold onto my own opinion.. sometimes i just feel so verbally disabled.. dumbfounded.. unable to utter a single argument.. yes that's right i dont know how to hold an argument.. sad eh?!

all the crap i complained about on everything.. they're just rubbish.. u know the junks that ppl throw away.. sometimes i just feel like an empty shell.. despite all that i've said, i doubt i even understand what i was saying.. even now i'm also losing track of wad i'm saying as i type.. so i might as well stop i guess.. the lesser i say the lesser things i get wrong.. i'm just so TOOOOT up..

while i was feeling brainless.. i also played with html codings.. it was a disaster.. but i'll still link it.. i mean why not.. show ppl how stupid i am.. that's my purpose of living aint it?
here it is

i shud be studying

haiyo.. feel so fxxx-ed up.. also dont know wad's wrong wif me.. i choose to study when i shudnt, and play when i shud be studying.. i mean is like now lar.. i shud be studying, mugging like siao.. but i chose to come online and feign invisibile then surf around on the WWW doing things that arent supposed to be impt afterall..


basically i slowly am starting to understand, that everything happens for a reason.. well u see, i was born because my dad fucked my mum after they got my sis.. as simple as that.. haha actually no lar.. der's the family planning part whr they put "establishing their business (then)" first and stuffs lar.. lots of minor minor things and major major decision affecting factors.. and then they just u noe sorta come tog and stuffs..
and [[*TADAH!!~ i'm born... for a long 18 to be years..

be critical

~ *think critically]*]

is there anyway to help me achieve that in time for the A's?

i've tried watching channel news asia to spur my brain,

but it doesnt seem to be working at all..

or could it be i need to read more newspapers?

im so afraid i'll do well for subject papers,

but fail my general paper..

that will really be my dooms day man!

wad's in my kitchen (personality test)

You are a pickle with toothpics in it. But you
knew that already. Are you sour inside? Has
someone done something to you? Maybe to move
on, you need to take those toothpics out
yourself. Or maybe, they're protecting you
from getting hurt again. Or both. Choose
wisely. Think twice the next time you eat a
pickle.

The Whats In Your Kitchen Personality Test
brought to you by Quizilla

haiyo...

why is 5 so quiet?
was der sth wrong?
wad happened?


i dont ask for much
just stop all the nonsense
can? pls..

omg i'm manly

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You have a lost soul. You tend to be pushed around.
When you do take ur own way you seem to get
lost. You can be very sweet but are drawn back
when people think you are just a goodie-tushos
(which sucks believe me i would know)all in all
you are sweet and cute (attitude wise).

howl's moving castle pics

howl's moving castle

howl [so handsome!!!]

the whole gang
[poor calcifer..if u got watch u will noe.]

see how tight he's holding onto her..
[ok i admit i'm jealous.. so wad?!]

to be cont'd

i was practically slapped
in the face last nite
however it was done verbally
...
oso dunno how to phrase it
wasnt realli her fault too
'cos i didnt exactly tell her
bout the whole process
...
so after the "verbal slap"
i still had to laugh
i still had to joke
i still had to fool ard
...
as if i felt nth to wad she said
as if i dun feel the stinging pain
as if i even wanted it to happen
as if i have forgotten bout him
...
its not like i'm gonna break down
not again, not in public
i definitely do not want
to appear soooo weak anymore
somehow putting on a brave front
makes things hurt me lesser
or maybe i'm trying not to feel it
anw both ways i'll soon be numb

i am weird

my nerd score

i'm gonna die

tribute to howl's

ハウルの動く城 (Howl's Moving Castle)


[+] official japan site
[+] list of characters
[+] downloadable trailers

having read the new changes
in the education policy
it seems to me that
my batch students alwix
become the guinea pigs
for the education policies?


why must they make it
such that everything new
are tried out on us?


1.syllabus alwix change after us
2.having spa instead of prac
3.pw in the uni admission criteria


and now they're removing cca n cip
i mean it's like so wow!
especially when there're
so many ppl out there
who suffered horribly
thanks to the VIP cca


huh! so i suppose
my batch shall have to blame ourselves
for being so unlucky to be born
in the year 1987 huh?!

basically i think that pw's crap

students only learn how to lie

about the timeline, agenda, blah..

that doesnt even meet

the objectives of having pw aint it

well.. but who am i to blab about this

especially since i'm a failure in GP

where we were suppose to think

critically, instead of what i like do

just blab and go...

so i've just gotta thank the moe

for letting me have such a

memorable schooling years

thanks, thanks alot

feels so lonely
wads e prob wif me man
tink i can solve ppls prob
when i cant help myself
aint no philosophy
behind that eh..


argh
feeling so fucked up
again
yeah...
again

** i lost my hart - like Howl **

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE


omg it's such a nice movie
altho the graphics werent
as nice as SPIRITED AWAY
but the story line was nicer


howl n sophie
the way they met
the way they got tog
the way things happen in the show
set me thinking
why aint any of those things
happening in the real world?


sumtimes sth jus cant be forced la
who noes maybe some day
i will meet someone
who finds back my hart for me
helping me regain the confidence
sth needed to love again..

imma' noob still

after doing the ocip ppt flash
i realised i'm still a NOOB
in designing everything
if anything at all


not done wif my flash
i went to play wif fotoshop
ha~ wad's my prob rite
alwix play n not do work


der'r like so many tings
i still dunno noe
n i'm oredi trying
to act pro
n decor my own blogskin
i mean it's like soo
DUH~


well i came up wif yet
another new blog skin
fer myself again
seems pretty ok to me
but feels like
its lacking sth still
but i jus can't
fig out wad is it


hopefully i'll be
able to resist the temptation
to fig everything out
and study fer my A's instead


wudn't it be nice
if wad i'm studying
is sth i'm interested in


i'm such a
Poooor deeprriived kidd

pissed off

wah lau
u farking idiot bitch
dont ask "are u okay?"
when u dont even mean it
like as if u even care lar..


i mean...
wad's the point in u asking
when u jus brush past
ask and walk away?
!@#$%!@#$%^*
u fugly obscene piece of shit
jus fark off as far as possible
and stop acting like a babe
when u'r obviously N-O-T!!

yet another pc of my work...

rainy days

rainy days arent always gloomy days

however i've always exp otherwise

whenever the sky starts to cry

my hart goes with the sky

feels with the sky

why muz i be reminded again

of the misery suffered

in the past 2 mths which

had passed so discretely

nevermind,

i shall believe that

things will turn for the better.

hopes..

i hope for the following things:

- start my butt moving
- get more things done
- free myself frm all emotions

- lurve my family more

- stop being such a crybaby