blah blah blah

it's getting more and more confusing
even worse i'm getting frustrated
and the worst is i've lost my voice
feeling so du lan now lar...
never ask a person who cant speak
to help u deliver messages to and fro
another thing i got irritated over
this afternoon at junction 8
i'm lazy to explain and cant bother
just feel puzzled and confounded
these things constantly nagging at me
it's getting harder to shut them out
am i toeing the line dangerously?

trying to be tactful in blogging
post just enough to tell people
yet inadequate to learn the full story
it's difficult but i'm learning

a quiet girl who wants a peace of mind

plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane
plain jane plain jane plain jane plain jane

but honestly i get pissed by people
who are so damn irresponsible
and totally unrepentent of his mistakes

"what defines a person?"
to me it is his/her actions
however that person can also choose
to put on an act in front of u
so it also has to be one's thoughts
the complexity of a brain
when we contradict ourselves
and our 'holier-than-thou' behaviours
the predicament of being a Man
stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea

birthday presents are very sacred
it's a test of how well u know a person
i'm always choosy when it comes to this
the present should be something practical,
something the person will need
that's when i believe i succeeded
and today i was heartily gratified
mel loved the present i thought of!


神也是人
但是他做到别人做不到的事
所以人才会称他为神
yes, i use the thesaurus.com

all in a day's thought? NAH~

i am so confused and feel so helpless
i do not know what to do
if u're reading this
i advise u to stop
because i am just going
to start spouting nonsense
and complain without ends
how fucked up the world is
even though i myself is
as fucked up as the world
so who am i to comment?

so many things i have thought
nothing comes out right
in the end after all
call me a failure
without directions
but even a failure knows
what he wants to do
that is why he failed
in what he attempted to do.
he is so much better off
than the lost wandering souls.
so is it better to blunder?
i guess not, considering
how the rest like to compare,
so in the end the nonperformer
still lose out to the successful.

therefore i am a loafer
worse than the incompetent,
needless to say
the high achievers
i am just nothing.
told u not to read..

reeeeellaaaaaax

why am i so pissed? chill~

who knows someday, i might find someone who is not like everyone else, who is outright, yet not blunt, in speech. got to learn to be tactful and eloquent in communication, and stop blurting whatever is in my mind hurting people around me, or just keeping things to myself and pull a long face.

stop lying to cover superficiality!! undesirable circumstances can be dealt with a mild smile if i try. move a few muscles, heave that right corner of my lips upwards by 3mm. no sweat. =P

i always think so much, but when i park my butt here to type, i blink at the screen unable string them together. not even for nuts. words totally fail me, because i do NOT read enough.

harsh reality

check this out!

so many things clouded my 'seeing' the past few days. nah~ it's just a wonder how things and situations can change so abruptly. feel like an idiot.. and i do not know why. i always feel this way though, maybe it is one of those postexam-dilemma syndrome. but then again, how could it even exist? when i look at my friends, they are all itching for the papers to be over; jumping after papers, cheering.. why can't i join in?

i have noticed superficiality. it is everywhere. why did i fail to notice it until now? uncountable people out there only talk about shallow topics. and i am beginning to feel irritated. why? as usual, i do not know. but one thing for sure - the superficiality is attacking my vicinity. and i am unsure how to prevent it from infecting me.

who would help an old lady push her cartful of cardboard boxes? 3 out of 100 maybe, of which 2 did it to impress somebody they like. the world just seem so aloof and distant. fuck those space-shrinking technologies, they do not seem to be helping people build any bridges at all, as they promised to. there is so few who are sincerely willing to reach out to the needys.

or maybe, all this shit is just because i am a bitch. blaming the fucking hell out of everyone else but myself. if u cannot fight, follow. if u cannot follow, complain, which is what i am doing now. all because i am too dumb to learn how to deal with them. ha~

oh man..

check out the latest copy of 8days.

wao~

decided or undecided?

=.= scholarship sounds like such a distant thing to me.. how i wish i can really get down to work mighty hard just to achieve what i want. but in the first place do i know what i want? hai~ all i know to do is to sit in front of the com and use photoshop anyhow play, what else do i know? good for nothing useless bum.. big fat arse i've got.. BOOO!!!!

its so interesting, the things i got to listen to these days. never would have imagined occurence actually do occur, and things i thought would happen wont take place. nah~ i dont want to think about that too much though. =)

i guess mummy's right. oh yar.. ok flash back abit: had a talk with mummy last night on topics so sensitive other mothers may not even talk to their child about. la~ ok lar, can see she was damn tired then i still made her sit up and talk to me. haha~ selfish me rite, i know. but she was willing to tell me more lar.. yupp and i totally agree with her viewpoint.

so...i'm planning to:

"see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, dont even think"

i'm just going to try to live life as peacefully as i can. no relationship please.. they're such pain in the ass.. its not even physically there and its making so many people want to die, yet dont want to die.. such a crazy thing to get involve in. dont know what made me stuck in the same puddle of mud. it took so hell much thinking to get me out too! i just soooo dont know what i was doing. its damn crappy lar.

though he havent reply me, i think i need send him some regards. because i feel i have let him down, but i feel even more relieved. maybe i might consider remaining a spinster, it sounds interesting at the moment. aha! no la, dont think too far. at least for the moment, i'm not interested in getting myself into those unnecessary u like me i like u things anymore. they only spell TROUBLE~

back to serious issues.. intial d. i'm so god-damn going to catch it right after my last paper!!! bro watched it already and i'm darn jealous!!!! it's jus so unfair lar! he can catch it the first official day it came out. he's soooo damn lucky. i want to watch it. and i seriously dont mind going alone. because then, i can get some quie. which i dont really need, but it would be nice to have for a change.

lost all my photoshop pictures. my prevous blogskins, avatar, pictures... all gone. things that are gone are just so difficult to come back. hmm...

okok, i posted some new links. try find them. pretty easy though.

wow~ a chatty day

reali reali reali,

happily ever after dont exist.

trust me.

another day of studying
mugging away at LJS
slogged the day away
its so diff studying with someone
can conc more on the notes
n get to talk at interval to relax

witness a customer create a scene
he was so rudely and loudly
asking after the cashier's parents
couldnt he have done it softly
he was obviously trying
to make it known to everyone
and it seems that the reason
was cos he's in a lousy mood.

damn.

a relation gone...

went studying wif ivanho today.. damn spastic guy he is indeed. but i got to learn one thing about this guy today, that is he is a guy with great deep thoughts. not those like mine futile fleeting thoughts. he thinks real deep about everything around him. heard a little about his past when he was a kid la.. den oso about his jus ended relationship.

u know, relationships between people are so weak. his girlfriend and him, they were going together for 3 years already.. and they broke just like that. i mean doesnt the time spend together mean anything anymore? he mentioned that he thinks "she has already gotten over it.." how can it be? 3 long years of sharing, growing and learning together. i know there's more to it but 3 damn years, tt's like 36 mths. mine was onli for 3 months and i still feel so horrible even after 6 mths. they've onli broken up for 1 mth. gotten over it, i tink no way..

makes me sad to see couples breaking up. especially when all along i thought they were a loving couple that deserves the best of a relationship. not all those crap. maybe its true. there aint no "happily ever after" afterall.

depression

past few days
DEVASTATION
felt so run down
so torn up
so horrible
i tot i wun make it
to see tml

its reali a very
terrible feeling
jus kept.. nvm

spoilt my hard disk
right after i posted
my last post here.
$100+ gone lidat
felt so stupid
clumsy fat n useless
hai~ jus like a BUM

haha

nowadays so damn hard to keep myself offline. must at least come online for 2hrs everyday. tried so hard to keep myself away today, but the com jus seem to be calling out to me in an alluring tone, drawing me to touch its keyboards. and look at not my notes but at its pretty screen. i shudnt be doing this man. but i jus cant help it.

guess ytd was suffering from menopause. little little tings and i'll start crying. feel so stupid. prettiful (mapleSEA) accidentally died when i parked at non-safe spot to go open door for sis, so she scold me stupid. i cry and throw temper (refused to talk to her). dad ask me iron clothes i cry again, like a crybaby. made mummy so worried thot what happened to me.

reali dunno whaddsup with me man. lousy mood i'm in since ytd (maybe is cos my auntie came to visit). whiled the whole of ytd away doing god-knows-what. i'm like 2 days behind my study plan now. hai.. oh well, might as well take a look at my 杰作 ytd.



i know they're damn lame, but like i've said. i dunno what i was doing then too. hai~ but i saw alot of nice nice pixels other ppl made. reali v nice n i like v much. came to noe pixel fan clubs like: , ,

there were oso wow-ful websites like

lazy

super sian-ed
so sleepy
so tired
so lazy

dun feel like studying
=( sian-ed!!!!!!!

world's greatest embarrassment

guess wad? i went for the e1's reunion dinner jus now, onli to suffer the by far most humiliation on earth. me and sinhui, both who werent totally enthu about the idea went ahead and attended it. and guess what? we werent expected to turn up. and the peeps are almost done with their dinner. WAO~ and both of us had to sit there eat up our rice with what was left on the table. ha~ tho sharon's mum tried to be nice and fried another plate of veg but it was v hot n spicy; not my cup of tea.

WAKAO eh. nxt time got this type of thing i doubt i'm going again. i will only be reminded of today's embarrassment. stupid stupid me. shud haf jus settled down with anything for dinner when we cant find them. GRrrr so embarrassed! |T.T| PUI~

studying with choo was ok ba, abit disappointed someone nv turn up. but its ok. =) shant let it affect me too much (tho i am la...zzzzzz...) den sinhui turned up. haha hell lotsa fun talking to her again. tho deeply traumatized by the "1-minute-of-silence-plus-staring-and-not-knowing-what-to-do" experience with ex e1's, we went pasar malam after we reached home. the red fanta was awful. taste like food colouring and cough syrup put tog. den the sotong was no better. tasted like (according to hui) leftovers from the day before the day before the day before the day before.. u get the idea. in short it sucks. it was so rubbery, my teeth cnt bite thru it, and when the ting finally detach itself, it shot my lips. jus PIAK! (ok it was silent) X_X"

on my way home, bought maoam. SOOO happy to eat it again. its been so long. AND initial D's out on 23rd june. MEAning! i can go catch it right after my last paper on thur! YAY~ i'm jus gg to go somewhr ulu to watch. ha!

*whistles: lalala~

diarrhea

omg i've got the runs
meeting choo go study
at first is at tpy de
but tpy de toilet
they're so far!!
now dunno how cos
she oso never reply
cant leave hse till cfm
humph. amk lib
bad memories...

YYEEEAAAAAAAYYYYEEEEEEE

i manage to get mye "radioblog"
haha, it's not the official one
but i host all my songs!!
wao~ freewebtown is really gud
got lots of things to host
can even get ur own domain
wahahahah~
hopefully my radioblog
can be up real soon
=)

blog-radio =(

no blogradio for me
yahoo dun support rbs
yuckS~
almost thot i so clever
can use my own mtd
host my own blogradio
blah! so conclusion
i'm sub-standard

wao~
mengchoo nv reply me
dunno whr she disappear
xue msg me last nite
den i haven reply haha sry
den chun ying is
still slacking - lazy peeg
better buck up arhz!
jieying no news oso...

sinhui reply preferentially
mel reply quite late
kel oso dunno how's she le

shan scold me tease her
hahah abt nic
den viv is so patriotic
she stand up for sg
to study so wun fall aslp
nurul... no news/.

i wan my BLOGRADIO
to yahoo: it is common
rbs is getting more n more
commonly used by blogusers
SUPPORT it PLEASE~

bad tempered me

ha~ threw my temper agn
den insisted on gg jogging
alone at nite after 10pm
mum got angry wif me
say i 意气用事..
tho its true i didnt admit
was v pek chek agn
bro,
den dad,
den my sis,
and it had to be mummy
say oso long story..
bro was the main cause
others were not reali
their fault actuali
i shud learn to curb my temper
its getting from bad to worse

anw i got to jog
and i'm pretty pleased
wif myself
altho der was a tummyache
suddenly n i had to stop
but it was shiok
to run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i like, as i like

!!!S-H-I-T + C-R-A-P!!!!

i'm in trouble

premonition

i dunno if wad i tink is true
but i have dis feeling
tt he's reading my blog.
i'm so in trouble.
didnt expect him to read
cos i said i nv update le
but why does it appear
tt he noes the content?
~ crap crap crap ~
i cant write as freely
as i thot i could anymore.
~ shit shit shit ~
i dun wan misunderstandings
i dun wan hope
because it aint coming true

xxpingxxpiangxxpangxx

wakao! its in pieces, dis ting i/s me.. jus shattered. guess i shudn't have pinned such high hopes, if not any hopes at all. it jus aint gonna work out. i muz stop lying to myself tt tings may recover after a few yrs. cos it's definitely not going to, and i'm going to fall even harder when the time comes. incompatible means incompatible, no matter how hard i try to lose weight, we still wun make it tog. because INCOMPATIBLE!!! so wad so wad so wad.. nth's gonna change tt fact! better give up now den when it's too late rite? if he tinks eating wun make a difference den i shudn't be so bothered too. okaes, i'm not troubled abt it. yes~ i dun feel anything, i'm jus neutral. stop bullshitting all those craps tt wun come true to myself. =( feeling so miserable...

ang meng choo look at this pls!

haha, okays
finally find some time
to do sth i like
apart frm the fact tt
it's already 2+ AM
i did sth i like
at least find it ok
choo come and see
den tell me how u tink
k..

WOW~

an ideal guy wud be
- 1.78m tall,
- darker than me,
- strong enuf to carry me
- share interest wif me

my dream guy
appears to be
everything
opposite =(

jus had a nice mask
wow! feels damn gud
complexion getting so bad

LOST is good
only watch 2 episodes
so cant tell much yet
but its nice
cos it made my blood race
and my hart beat
like mad!

yippea!!!

omg omg omg omg omg
guess wad happened ytd?
he tok to me on msn
yay!!! hip hip hurray!
its been since so long
yayayayayyayayayayya~
i was so happy tt i literally
floated ard for whole of 2dae
i was on cloud nine
wad made him initiate it
i dont know...
oooohhh myyy so happy
tho we didnt tok abt much
i'm glad he's willing to tok
to ME.. muahahhaha
yiiippppppeeeeaaaaa!!!

intentions

at first was intending to write all my thots and reflection on the famine camp here. but then think again, i decided not to. because it will take up alot of time, and my brother's gonna break my neck if i use the com too long. accounting for the fact that he has been denying my rights to this very com for so long, i shouldnt be bothered. but i've also got to study too, so might as well..


just want to say:

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
that i still lurrve You
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

famine camp

oh man oh man
i'm loving the camp so much
it was pretty slack
but damn fun
thx to the ppl of bee-9
der's lotsa self entertainment
playing games and talks
open my horizons on sa guys
use to tink that
dey were those arrogant types
in fact dey're damn sociable
den it's dem who got the grp tog
nic was eyeing yan shan
lolx~ act jus happen she
look like his crush ba

ha n i was like an idiot la
cos u noe.. np so near to sp
den i was pining such high hopes
jus a glimpse wud be enuf
i told myself
but when fate did not destine us
i was so disappointed i stoned
giving the "couple nic-shan"
a chance to pull prank on me

i guess tings will turn out fine
wun wan to try so hard le
the harder i try to see him
the greater the disappointment
i'm jus still so very damn stupid
dun wan to hope anymore..

shopping for the whole day
wao~ it was crazy man
went on a spending thrift
bought the following:

1. a pendant $16
2. 2 earring $1+
3. 2 pierre cardin bras
   $26, $28

lala~ so happy!
went town wif choo
and cp wif mum n sis
wahahaha~ so happy!

anw famine camp tml!
report at 1030 @ NP
so far so early so long
no food no bed no pillow
its gonna be a test
of my endurance level man
woo~

got @.@ eyes now
went to bed at 3.15am
haven fall aslp at 4.13am
wake up at 7.29am
duno wad i was thinking
and i dun feel tired
that's what's weird

kaka~ hoping for new skin
den pining for it to be CCS
ftm is self created and html
plus very unique design
sth diff frm wad i use to do
sth to breakthru
bcos choo complain say
i got no prowess to show~
grrr` choo i'm gonna
show my prowess to u ok!
u better watch out. lol

reminisce

was reminded of the past
agn when i was surfing
thru blogskins.

it was like tadah~
memories coming back.
how i use to simply adore
cardcaptor sakura
how i alwix hoped to go
seaside to watch sunrise
with that special someone

those were like memories
never forgotten
but shoved somewhere
at the back of my mind

i tot dey werent der anymore
but i guess more time is needed
those days werent nth
i want back those days
but i 无能为力
its just not a matter of want
but a matter of can or not.

"u're far beyond my reach"