?? wad am i doing ??

dont
feel
like
toking
no
more


why muz life toy wif ppl?
why did u tell me bout him n her?
juz when i felt almost ready
almost ready to let go
i am really tired
not physically
but emotionally
i feel like a fool
i dont noe what to do
why tell me those tings
all of a sudden?
when i tot tings will be over soon
i...

confusion + appreciation

i really dunno wad to tink
i really dunno wad to do
i really dunno how to cont
i really dunno...


stop giving me the wrong hints
i shudn't be doing wad i'm doing
i dun hope to get misleaded again
thinking i can do what i wan
but falling back down again
to realise i've actually achieved nth
nth but hurting myself
i don't want tt to happen anymore
being friends still is nice enough..


mummy,

happy burfdae


although it wud haf been better
if u did not bring her back
daddy waited up for u to cut cake
but u brought tt fake b**** back
so he cudn't be bothered too
and he fell asleep on the sofa
WAitING FOr U!!!


can't u realise that for once?
that actually he does care
but it's just that u didn't
DIDN'T allowed him to show it
even in the most subtle ways?


was so angry with u jus now la
but got no hart to ruin ur mood
on ur very own burfdae..
even tho ur mouth say its no big deal
i noe i shud mean sth for the fact
that we even remembered it


and it's DADDY who drove us
all the way through the distance
to buy ur burfdae cake lar...
mummy, can u appreciate tt pls?

wad more do u wan from me?

i said i went amk to have lunch
with my FRIENDS!!!!
my classmates... not HIM!!!!


see "friends"...
and "him"...
different things,
different colours


why must u be so suspicious?!
i'm not even seeing him or anything
i did what u wanted me to do
so now i can't even go amk?


what's the big deal anyway?
why can't u trust me no more?
what wrong did i do?
yeah i know what u're thinking
but do u know what I'M thinking?!

non-existing

am i really so

INSIGNIFICANT

?

ignorance?

what was i trying to do
when i google search for his new blog?
just bcos gp lecturer say it's possible..
but no matter how hard i find
it is to no avail at all


why do i wan to noe whaddup
in his sch, family, friends...
whether he's attached oredi
i'm just such a dumbass
wouldn't it be better not to noe?
so what if i manage to find it rite?


ignorance = BLISS

blarrdy sick until my stomach

why must there be 2 情人节？
1 western and 1 chinese...

i'm all out of...love, friends...

i feel like a social outcast
everyday i go to sch unsure
of everything including myself
even though my clique is bonded
but i feel like i don't belong at all
they're all cool dudes and babes
and what am i? just an AH TOOT
super freaky bespectacled nerd
sometimes i wonder
if i am just a burden to them
whether if they're better off
without me sticking onto them

in love, i'm also such a failure

i really don't know what am i doing

wanted so much for him to talk to me

then when he finally did just that

the [impossible] i was waiting for

it happened and what did i do?

i said i was going to sleep...

DUH! what can i say?!?!

好寂寞,每当想起你的时候

好像痛要将我吞没

却不能对你说

好寂寞,我会试着自己挣脱

就怕你会放不下我

曾说过要让你自由

就该学着放手

sleepy peeeg!

why am i always so slpy?
why am i so stupid and honest
to actually say i'm going to slp
why can't i just try to stay awake?
why must i let slip sth that mean
so much to me?

he's online...

i saw him come online, what shud i do?
i know i shudn't initiate to tok to him
and that's sth i'm not going to do now
ok so he's online but wad is he doing?
wad he's doing has nth to do wif me rite?
so why do i want to know at all?
so what if he's online after all?
why make myself all wrecked up,
just because i saw him online,
and never talk to me?



wad's the big deal right?!!?!

omg - i SAW a corpse!

today was suppose to be a good day
wad chun's burfdae and everything
but on my way to chun's hse..
i saw the remains of a car accident
and yes! i saw the CORPSE


anw was on 853 travelling along lentor rd
when others started looking out of the window
they were like standing up from their seats
curious abt wad they're looking at
i look out from the window on my left


there the corpse lie, under a white cloth
then the hand lying lifeless uncovered by the cloth
and can see the contour of the head under the cloth
somemore the cloth was stained red with blood!!


it was totally gruesome looking at it
thinking about how he look as died
made me horribly nauseous and sick in stomach
what a waste to have a life gone just like that

chun chun's burfdae

today's chunying's bdae
happi burfdae my dear gur!!
was celebrating in school
den soooo sooooper dooooper
SIA SUAY


initially found an empty classroom de
but it was for the wrong time slot
so we practically chiong to find another
found le but suay suay
the timetable not updated
so we were lighting the candles 1/2-way
then der was alot of ppl crowding outside


so we had to pack the cakes back
then carry everything into the nxt empty rm
then it was like so auntie and stuffs la


thankfully chun likes the presents
and cakes (yups yups -- heng ah!)
which we brought home the cardboard base
and plastic wrappings to decorate
den took alot of sick and obscene pics too...
hopefully can upload them soon to the pc


then after guitar went to her house to play
but who knows they oredi talk alot of stuffs le
so we were like chun very sian to play card
then she haven't bath so very gao wei


most EMBARRASSING thing was...
when she go bath her god ma came and visit
then we were like errrr... wad shud we do?!?!
super paiseh so we siam towards the wall
who knows they went into kitchen and talk
until chun chun come out and lidat la...

on the 5th day of new year

was suppose to go hua lao shi's hse today
go there bai nian with her and take ang pow
but ended up stayed in mama's hse for too long
today cannot go there as a result


it's because of this that i see the thing about people
we all care more for ourselves than for others
went back to xms on chu xi morning
to realise how little i meant to my old friends
and it was only today then i realised
that she doesn't really give a damn for me
so much for being friends for how long huh?!
then some pang seh-ed me leaving me alone
thought going back to xms would be fun
but who knows it turned out to be a nightmare
talk about feeling all alone and left out


played mahjong till like mad at mama's house
until i dreaded going home and pushed back
the day to come home and do tutorials
and when i reached home just now
then i realised what wrong i had done
to my assignments, tutorials and schoolworks
all left in a big pile fuggy untouched pile
now that i'm home i don't know what to do
to settle everything in a few hours time
so i just basically gave up


stayed in mama's house for so many days
was due to several affecting factors
and my wishy-washy-ness
in the first place i should have gone school on friday
now i'm so lagging behind in shoolwork
i don't even feel like giving a farking damn


why am i ruining my own life with my own hands?
had i studied too much in the past (sec 4),
so much so that i have given up now (jc2)?


mok mok please kill me

drunk?

hehe although i'm not officially 18
but i'm already almost there
and i wanted to try what it's like
...........to be drunk............


so just now after dinner
we took out this bottle of liquid
and started drinking
thinking that it's carbonated juice
ended up it was red wine
so no one bothered to drink too much


the itchy backside me
while watching a new year show on 8
took out the wine and
poured a fair portion for myself
it's quite a big cup for god's sake


tried real hard to finish every drop
then when i try to stand up
i realise i was actually feeling giddy
all the time i sat there i felt nothing
it's really only until when i stand up
then i felt everything rushing to my head


it's really not very nice to be drunk
unsteady on my feet and stuffs
don't understand why people like to
drink to drown their sorrows now
it only make them feel even more
HORRIBLE + TERRIBLE + whatever "-ble"


so if you're feeling horrible right now
find a real good buddy of your's
call him/her out and use his/her shoulder
cry it all out - you will feel better
if not a pillow would be a good substitute


i shall find moi pillow now
arghs *headache*
lalalalalalalalalalala~ =)

weirdo

i AM weird
i LOVE being weird
i simply CAN'T behave
i ACT like an idiot
i AM an idiot
i have NO brains
i SUCK at everything
i AM nice to bully


how about some nice points about me?
i have NO good points
HA~ that's ME

a post full of complaints

i'm tired and feeling irritated over god knows what
came back from shopping weary and worn out
tomorrow's spring cleaning day
and i've got a whole list of things undone
things which are needed for lesson on monday
god knows if i'll even be able to sleep tonight
my ankle's hurting again
what exactly is wrong with me huh?
why do i feel so menopaustic?

as i mature

As I Mature
--------------------

I've learned that u cnt make

someone love u. All u can do

is stalk dem n hope they

panic n give in.

I've learned tt no matter

how much i care, some ppl

are jus assholes.

I've learned tt it takes yrs

to build up trust, and it onli

takes suspicion, not proof,
to destroy it.

I've learned tt u can get by

on charm for abt 15 mins.
After tt, u'd better haf big

willy/boobs.

I've learned tt u shudn't

compare urself to others -
they are more screwed up

than u tink.

I've learned tt u can keep

vomitting long after u tink

u're finished.

I've learned tt we r

responsible for wad we do,
unless we r celebrities.

I've learned tt regardless

of how hot n steamy

relationship is at 1st, the

passion fades, n der had

better be a lot of $$$ to

take its place!

I've learned tt 99% of the

time when sth isn't working

in ur hse, one of ur kids did it.

I've learned tt the ppl u

care most abt in life are

taken frm u too soon and

all the less impt ones jus

neva go away.

倒带 - 蔡依林

倒带 - 蔡依林


我受够了等待你所谓的安排
说的未来到底多久才来
总是要来不及才知道我可爱
我想依赖而你却都不在


应该开心的地带你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害我是真的很难释怀


终於看开爱回不来而你总是太晚明白
最後才把话说开哭著求我留下来
终於看开爱回不来我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开宁愿没出息求我别离开


你总是要我乖慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎黱交代你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖


从我脸上的苍白看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块要怎黱拼凑跟重来


终於看开爱回不来而你总是太晚明白
最後才把话说开哭著求我留下来
终於看开爱回不来我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开宁愿没出息求我别离开

to quit or not to quit

why is everyone so fake and me so superficial?
i only know how to see people on the outside
and always fail to see the evil within them.
why am i so useless and stupid?
why can't i do anything right? why?
why am i such a letdown to everyone?


i though i could survive a few more months in guitar
but looked what turned out of me?
i'm on the verge of getting KICKED out of it.


am i even serious about anything at all?
my studies, guitar and even him last time
i'm really very confused..
what should i do to redeem myself?
argh! help save me!
what the fark am i doing to myself man?


heck i'm so sick of life
what am i really doing?
is there no way to help myself?
my oh my.. life really sucks huh?!
what a fool i had been all my life


school has been like hell for me
to add on to it the J1s are making it worse
with their CNY decorations
that looks ghostly and resembles altars
what now guitar is kicking people out
and i am a likely candidate to be kicked


i'm trying to hard to be cheerful
to cheer myself up in a way
but why are things getting so out of hand?
i'm really at a lost as to what should i do
if not for my friends i think i'm hiding now
inside the toilet crying my eyeballs out


humph~ guitar is really not my forte
if i continue to stay in guitar club
i have to perform for the teacher to see
and he will then decide if i can stay in the club
but likely i will get kicked out after that
because i have a premonition that i won't make it
but if i make it to SYF i will pull the team down
fuck now i understand the meaning
of being in a dilemma HA~


after i read the notice left by mr wong
think my eyes got pretty red and wet
so i went to the toilet to clean my face
on my way Jeff was saying hi to me
then i never realise until he say:
"walao so dao..."
so malu... think he saw my tears
so i wash my face come out
say sorry to him then he also never mind


on my way home missed 156
then waited so long before the next came
when i alighted at the 88 bus stop
got a weird auntie approach me
(think is from IMH because we very near there)
then she asked me where is the nearest POSBank
her face was like so attitude
then she emphasize on her words like i'm an idiot
worse thing was she kept rolling her eyes
when she was talking to me.. ha~
i was like so nice trying to give her directions
then she just simply refuse to believe me
so i gave up trying to explain and she just left
like that without acknowledging me
felt so moronic being so nice to give her direction


later 88 came then i wanted to board
but the front door cannot open
so obviously me and another auntie attempt
to board via the exit door
but the stupid uncle close THAT door too
and was about to drive off when the auntie shouted
so the driver "bo bian" open the front door
and say the bus spoilt wait for the next one
what the heck la.. still got passenger aboard
then we cannot board and forced to wait for the next
which turned up only after ages had passed
never felt so idiotic in my entire life

totally lost

waddup with my life man
it's so full of !@#$% , %$#@! and )(*#&$
really don't know what i want anymore
tried to make myself forget about so many things
until even i myself am confused
have i really forgotten everything?
or am i just trying to numb myself?


school sucks like hell too
it's so bad i ponned school yesterday
i mean what's the point right?
it's like everyday go to school
just to entertain myself
trying to psycho myself that this is right
that going to school is not a chore
but something that is enriching
(my foot, arse and whatever shit)


ha~ why the heck do we have to live so hard?
because after all the shit we abuse ourselves with
all of us are going to die some day ain't it?
so why not just live life easy?
after all few decades down the road
everyone's just going to get cremated
so what's the point?