on the 5th day of new year

was suppose to go hua lao shi's hse today
go there bai nian with her and take ang pow
but ended up stayed in mama's hse for too long
today cannot go there as a result


it's because of this that i see the thing about people
we all care more for ourselves than for others
went back to xms on chu xi morning
to realise how little i meant to my old friends
and it was only today then i realised
that she doesn't really give a damn for me
so much for being friends for how long huh?!
then some pang seh-ed me leaving me alone
thought going back to xms would be fun
but who knows it turned out to be a nightmare
talk about feeling all alone and left out


played mahjong till like mad at mama's house
until i dreaded going home and pushed back
the day to come home and do tutorials
and when i reached home just now
then i realised what wrong i had done
to my assignments, tutorials and schoolworks
all left in a big pile fuggy untouched pile
now that i'm home i don't know what to do
to settle everything in a few hours time
so i just basically gave up


stayed in mama's house for so many days
was due to several affecting factors
and my wishy-washy-ness
in the first place i should have gone school on friday
now i'm so lagging behind in shoolwork
i don't even feel like giving a farking damn


why am i ruining my own life with my own hands?
had i studied too much in the past (sec 4),
so much so that i have given up now (jc2)?


mok mok please kill me