to quit or not to quit

why is everyone so fake and me so superficial?
i only know how to see people on the outside
and always fail to see the evil within them.
why am i so useless and stupid?
why can't i do anything right? why?
why am i such a letdown to everyone?


i though i could survive a few more months in guitar
but looked what turned out of me?
i'm on the verge of getting KICKED out of it.


am i even serious about anything at all?
my studies, guitar and even him last time
i'm really very confused..
what should i do to redeem myself?
argh! help save me!
what the fark am i doing to myself man?


heck i'm so sick of life
what am i really doing?
is there no way to help myself?
my oh my.. life really sucks huh?!
what a fool i had been all my life


school has been like hell for me
to add on to it the J1s are making it worse
with their CNY decorations
that looks ghostly and resembles altars
what now guitar is kicking people out
and i am a likely candidate to be kicked


i'm trying to hard to be cheerful
to cheer myself up in a way
but why are things getting so out of hand?
i'm really at a lost as to what should i do
if not for my friends i think i'm hiding now
inside the toilet crying my eyeballs out


humph~ guitar is really not my forte
if i continue to stay in guitar club
i have to perform for the teacher to see
and he will then decide if i can stay in the club
but likely i will get kicked out after that
because i have a premonition that i won't make it
but if i make it to SYF i will pull the team down
fuck now i understand the meaning
of being in a dilemma HA~


after i read the notice left by mr wong
think my eyes got pretty red and wet
so i went to the toilet to clean my face
on my way Jeff was saying hi to me
then i never realise until he say:
"walao so dao..."
so malu... think he saw my tears
so i wash my face come out
say sorry to him then he also never mind


on my way home missed 156
then waited so long before the next came
when i alighted at the 88 bus stop
got a weird auntie approach me
(think is from IMH because we very near there)
then she asked me where is the nearest POSBank
her face was like so attitude
then she emphasize on her words like i'm an idiot
worse thing was she kept rolling her eyes
when she was talking to me.. ha~
i was like so nice trying to give her directions
then she just simply refuse to believe me
so i gave up trying to explain and she just left
like that without acknowledging me
felt so moronic being so nice to give her direction


later 88 came then i wanted to board
but the front door cannot open
so obviously me and another auntie attempt
to board via the exit door
but the stupid uncle close THAT door too
and was about to drive off when the auntie shouted
so the driver "bo bian" open the front door
and say the bus spoilt wait for the next one
what the heck la.. still got passenger aboard
then we cannot board and forced to wait for the next
which turned up only after ages had passed
never felt so idiotic in my entire life