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very tired...

let's talk sth cheem

what is a complete life composed of exactly? what does a happy and fortunate life encompass? success? fame? wealth? health? love? family? friends? what exactly are the factors that makes one's life blissful?

fame and wealth can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. for fear that these will be robbed from you will one really get to enjoy life as it really is? then again nowadays one needs money to buy what they want to achieve material comfort. and fame allows you to gain access to even more money and thus better material comfort. then fame and money can bring you to succeed which will make one more well-known and climb up the corporate ladder and in turn generate even more money. it's a vicious cycle.

good health. everyone also know your body will fail you in time to come. be it earlier or later. of course later would be a better choice, but it will still not last you till your deathbed. for that is why you will lie there: because your health has failed you (N/A to those who die young from accident or any other unnatural deaths like natural disaster) . though it will make your life easier for you will not wake up with backaches and move around walking like a mummy, or with much difficulty in other words. or you do not need to run to the loo to relief yourself because you have a weak stomach or bladder.

then what about love, friends and family i asked myself. true once in a while they might even contribute to the problems in life, but it is a fact that they are still a part of your life. no man is an island. the memories you all shared together, whether good or bad, help to build and shape your life. we all play main character in our own lives and supporting roles in other's. some come and so leave. there's no telling exactly how they contribute to your life but they do, small contributions or large contributions. so do they make one have a happy life in a way after all? my love family and friends have been important in all parts of my life and i'm happy to know and have them.

i think it's best in life to have an ultimate goal to achieve. some short term targets once in a while to help you past your time but never to lose sight of that one ultimate goal in life. then the best ending to a life would be to achieve it, then die soon. then you will not feel aimless after attaining that final personal glory and become idle.

sad to say not many today have that goal in mind that they want to achieve. many blindly go to work day after day then rest during the weekends, and week after week the same routines repeat themselves hazardously. many often settle so comfortably into routines that they stop searching for their ultimate goals. and me, i have yet to find it.

blinded

i still cant do it.

the future still seems so bleak.

why?

to rebuild my self-confidence soon

how many chance of a new beginning does a person get to have in one lifetime? uncountable much or pathetic few? it is hard enough for a person to rebuild his/her self-confidence after a failure to put in the effort to start anew. and even if one is willing to take up the challenge to start over again, how many out there will give them this opportunity?

i'm still recuperating from a fall. and before i'm completely healed i do not think i can take up a new challenge just yet. the pieces are still not ready to be glued back. and this time i cannot find the pillars that used to help me up. i really do not feel prepared enough to move on... i still need time to lick the wounds on my body and heart.

though it is always exciting when starting a new phase of your life, it is also filled with alot of uncertainty, that is what makes it so attractive too. you never know what or how you will come out of it. people change, things change, environment changes. there is just so many alien things to explore now.

with all these things how much courage does it really take for a person to make a decision to turn over a new leaf? lack of self-confidence is the greatest hurdle to overcome, then there are still lots of things to learn in order to improve oneself. the first step is always difficult, but never look back or regret once you have taken it. i must try to achieve it.

if

what would you do if one day i told i am going to leave for a faraway place?

the wang-ityville horror

why does your loved ones hurt you the most? is it because you dare to pin more hopes on them, but when they dont meet your expectations you get disappointed? whereas since you never expect the same from others that's why they cant hurt you...

then how much is too much, too little or just enough? or is enough just never enough because it is not easy for one to be or learn to be contented?

they always say the bad will get their just deserves, but in today's world is this still true? i still believe in karma. you get what you give to others. you give them crap, they'll give you shit. that's the equity balance of this universe.. what goes around comes around. (is that why these things befell on me? like losing my stupid pass and not being able to go see the damn moon?)

but the funny thing is somehow a part of me is still convinced that once in a while the bad does get away with their business. horrifying huh?

myths and legends

what if i told you putting eggs in the fridge will cause bird flu? would you believe me? well someone did... what's more she also believed that microwave is bad for our health and that pig's oil was used as hair wax long before our time. these things do not have any scientific proofs to back them up and yet there are people who freaked out and left their eggs outside the fridge for fear of the avian flu virus. !@#$%^&

and what if love (i mean true love) is also just another myth with neither facts nor datas to back up? something that is man-made and sound so real that even Man (the creator of this very legend) starts to believe in their own fictatious story themselves? how many more myths are there really today? what else is but just another myth?

hmm... i really start to wonder...

totally boring day

i'm stuck at home with totally nothing much to do, and the only pc i can log on to is kinda fucked up. i have no access to yahoo mail, msn or adobe photoshop. great. and the only things i can surf cant seem to make me more enthusiastic at all. i hate being stuck at home!!!!!!!!

oh man.. everything sort of fell out of place a few days back. worse of all it seems that this time i'm gonna have hell lots of difficulty piecing them back together again.

damn it. drats. fuck. whatever.
!@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@!

man i'm having nightmares of working already. i see faces of people from work breathing down my neck even in my dreams. motion pictures of them yelling at me for godknowswhat reasons. heh~ this really reflects deeply how much i love my job. i simply cant wait to leave that cramming and stuffy place.

ya know i'm actually overthetop please with the A'level grades. not mine but his. on the same day the results were release, my hopes were dashed. not because of whatever grades i got, but of the very things i had believed in. on that very day, my bubbles of hopes got burst. i mean i am disappointed in someone and something i had held so close and true to me. i have no clues what these will transform into... hope it will not turn out the way my intuition feels.

man i very much want to throw this damn laptop across the room now. my temper is getting out of hand... i had better stop brooding over it already.

it's a stupid boring day, and now i shall go back to playing with my beloved reliable Windows Paint that was not disabled by anyone.