long grandmother story

alright at this moment i am asking myself do i want to sleep at 5 am again, do i need to change my blogskin at all, why am i doing all this? i am tired and sleepy, but i refused to go to bed. i even told my brother off [feeling ever so proud of myself] and deliberately deny him the right to touch the computer. with so much time on hand, i could well use with clocking more hours of beauty sleep. but i am NOT. these days, i cant sleep well. i dont eat alot, considering i only have 1 meal per day.

some things happened today which i thought was all my fault. they were self-induced illusions i guess. i was late for the outing by more than an hour. only 2 had reached on time. then i sat down and kept quiet. both of them remained silent, as if waiting for something. once in a while their eyes met as if there was some messages being transmitted. but i did not care then. on my mind i kept regretting i even bothered to turn up, especially since i wasnt exactly in a 'talking' mood due to insufficient sleep and a very sore throat. i could vividly imagine what i would tell them, afterwhich i would walk out of the place and move homeward bound even though i just reached. something held me back. everyone finally did managed to meet up for the shopping, i wouldnt say i still regretted going, but it wasnt exactly very fun either.

initially i was adviced not to go, to recuperate at home since i cant talk. but i went because it meant alot to me that the 5 of us can finally go out together. there were alot of plans to do so, but all of which were aborted. in the process i was honoured to be addressed as "stupid girl".

the consulting of the Court's on the telephone was disastrous. went alone and i felt like a complete idiot. all we had to do was to press 1 button and the handset can function, but i brought the whole box back again before bringing it home to press THAT synchronising button. shopped around to look for gift ideas for kelda's belated birthday. then i decided to go to the library! [yes, a miracle had happened] long break ahead, so why not read? furthermore recently i was increasingly exposed to friends who read. pasar malam followed and then home.

dont know why i narrated all these.. but it's out so might as well post. what is it that is bugging me?