i dont know what to feel...

why does it appears to me that many things just wont be right anymore again?
why do i feel as if no matter how hard i work towards my goals, i still wont be able to achieve them?
why is it that so many unfavourable (aka awfully bad) things are happening to the people around me?
why does the world seem all upside down and topsy turvy to me?
why? why? why?


health is gaining its level of importance in many people's lives today. with the ever increasing cases of cancers (of all sorts including breast, lung and brain), it seemed in fact that health is the most important component of life itself. without a fit and healthy body, u will find difficulty even to get up from bed.
so many people around me recently have been detected with cancer. it makes me scared and question life even more. are we born to live a life constantly conscious of what we put into our mouths or how much we exercise every week or how much body mass is to fats ratio we have?
you see, i had so much contacts with cancer patients, it almost seem to me that everyone and anyone else can get cancer, especially the old people. why the elderly? because the handful of people i happen to know that are detected with cancer are aged at least 50 years and above.
has this trend got something to do with the lifestyles people have nowadays, that's why we're all more prone to illness and diseases? are we living a less healthy life as compared to the past despite of the advanced technology we have, and a more educated population? or has it got something to do with the degradation of our environment? the hole in the ozone layer, forest fires, etc. can someone explain to me why so many people are starting to fall so ill? i dont want to lose the people close to me one by one...


the 5.. i have this queasy feeling everytime we're together somewhere. i just dont feel as at ease when all of us are gathered as i used to feel. instead, a the feeling of being left out filled the space that used to be a sense of belonging. the lost i feel.. it just never fail to get to me everytime. yes, that's the reason why sometimes i'm suddenly so quiet. sometimes basically i just dont know what to say anymore. i'm starting to enjoy the companion of my guitar friends more. although they may just turn out to be some fair-weather friends, but at least i feel more comfortable hanging out with them.
am i being overly sensitive and un-apathetic? am i just acting like a selfish moronic pig? why must things turn out to be like that?


i'm hoping for so much, working as hard as i can, but it seems to me that nothing is working out. the efforts i've been pumping in doesnt seem to be paying off. did i turn over a new leaf too late? basically i think of myself as a brainless git now, someone who knows so little yet talks so much. after all those GP lessons recently, i'm starting to realise how insignificant i am as compared to things occurring somewhere else.
while i'm determining how fat i am, the government decided to open a casino right at our very doorstep. while i'm turmoiling over how to do better in the various aspects in life, the previous pope John Paul II died.
you see what i mean when the things that trouble me seem so puny when put next to these "big" events that took place? no matter what, i hope to improve on my general knowledge and slowly learn to get a better control over my own life. i'm still growing up, i believe with time, i'll be able to achieve greater things.

"greater achievements comes with higher hopes"