my grandmother

i saw her sitting there on her usual armchair
as usual after that fateful incident took place
her legs that used to be so strong
are now shaking rather uncontrollably
she was really happy to see me and my sis
grinning from ear to ear like how she used to be
we are rare visitors of her's these few days
especially since she moved into aunt's place
she wanted to tell me something
but she couldnt mouth them out properly
then she got frustrated with herself
and cried...

i didnt know what to do but sit there quietly
watching and trying to think what was in her mind
i didnt want to say anything because i know
to ask her would only make things worse
she will only feel more vexed and cry again...
of course i dont understand how she feels
i still can express myself to people who cares
my worries are nothing compared to her pain

made me reminisce on when i was still a kid
i remembered how i look forward to weekends
how i could stay at grandma's house
going to the wet market early in the morning
bringing me to the playground before dinner
or we'd go to the coffeeshop behind her block
for fishball kuay teow mee soup.. her favourite
we were so close together
and i never wanted to go home on sundays

whenever i fell down she would pick me up
sayang me and make me happy again
now i felt so useless as i sat next to her
unable to ease her frustrations like she used to
all i did was to touch her knee gently
then hands when we were about to leave
feeble attempts to make her feel better i guess
though i am really glad to have made the trip